wanna go halves on a baby?
seems the shocker is way more shocking if u get the fingers wrong
Just saw my father's penis. Don't know what to say.
just peed on the 7/11 floor and casually left. Omg so drunk
I'm pretty sure getting a blow job behind a bar in Rome while her little sister is throwing up in a dumpster not 5 feet away, gives entirely new meaning to the phrase "When in Rome"
Took out half a tooth with a handle of jim beam last night. Apparently I can't walk and chug bourbon at the same time
I had to assert my dominance as Alpha Drunk.
I get that he's ugly and I deserve better but I will still beat up the girls he hangs out with.
I can't drink with the moms anymore. All they talk about is lactating.
i am an animal i am literally locking myself in my house and not coming out for a week i don't deserve to be in public
At my place... I'm gonna be honest though stonewall Jackson is not going to be able to rally the troops. Too many shots of tequila
5 hours of volunteer work playing with puppies and banned from the frat I hate most as 'punishment'... Besides the ER trip, I'm not seeing the bad in this situation
It's a good thing my liver is flexible because a lesser man would be dead
You know you hit Mardi Grad bottom when you come to in someone's kitchen on the floor and you are eating gumbo out of a Mixing bowl with a ladle......yeah rock fucking bottom
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
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