You named all of the cocktail shrimps and then tackled a guy for "eating Henry"
It took me four clicks to get to 2009 on his profile. This can't work.
She's a virgin AND a minister's daughter. We're one schoolgirl outfit from the dear penthouse trifecta
He told everyone he was freezing their keys so they couldn't drive drunk. When I opened the freezer this morning, my keys were at the bottom of an unfrozen ice cream tub of vodka.
if by "adventure" you actually mean "getting ridiculously high and shaving our legs," then yes.
Ps. I feel like I may pee myself this weekend. Either drunkenly or out of excitement. Toss up
Last night we looked at each other with an expression of "fuck I am so done being normal", took off our shirts, and danced around in our bras
Dude this deaf chick is totally hot, I just bought an apartment on boner ave
I'm on the struggle bus
just ordered a number 1 at a fast food restaurant that doesn't have numbers
(This is the second time ive been high enough to decide to run for office)
You told me to keep you from drinking, but we both know I'm not that kind of friend.
All I want is to get as high as I did that time I started hallucinating that my brother was becoming a monkey and I saw my mum on every surface of your room.
I almost rear ended this hot guy driving a Porsche Cayenne just so I could get his phone number
dude I fucking saw you snort tequila
This pandemic, it’s making everyone horny. I’ve got dick stashed all over town
Randomize
