I'm sorry my penis didn't work
I think I might be in your shoes. Except they are actually my shoes. Either way these shoes are wasted.
I just had a formal request to dress as a boyscout for my meeting with Legal on Friday. From Legal. Time to go home.
Apparently you need a permit for a flamethrower.
We jumped on a random trolley because total strangers offered us free vodka. We're not even on the route map as far as I can tell. I see now how those people died in "Hostel"... we deserve whatever happens to us tonight.
He returned my car yesterday. Found a duffel bag with beef jerky, condoms, and a handgun this morning. Slightly concerned
It's been hot as balls outside. It's like getting tea bagged by the Sun.
I seriously had to check my phone this morning to make sure I didn't agree to any strange sexual favors.
I've got my wine, though it wasnt very good so I threw a sour patch kid in it
I would not be watching the debate if there wasn't drinking involved. Let's be honest.
I said "I am wrapped in the Cocoon Of Comfort! You should go." He started to argue and I yelled "COCOON OF COMFORT!!!" silencing him
FYI your bra is now hanging in the hallway as a trophy.
He must be a special kind of stupid to cheat on a women who works at a funeral home. Does he not understand you can get rid of dead bodies easier than most Americans?
Im about to get an ultrasound of my balls. I hate waiting. Its the worst.
I am certain that you would be a mere freckle on the behemoth of slutty that has taken place at this complex.
Randomize
