i'm touring the leper colony via mapquest street view so we dont have to go there
i realized my work ethic and productivity really improves if i masturbate on my lunch break.
moral of the story: I'm going to stab everyone
And I wrote a rap so it was actually a productive afternoon minus not paying our bills.
you dont have to exercise, you threw up last night!
suntimes in life you find a rare opportunity, mine was bonin my gf in front of the tv
i just googled "alcohol delivery service". im combating drunk driving one lazy act a time.
Get a piano. I want to have sex on it.
New game I thought of while bored on the train. Anytime I get a text from an ex, I will randomly text a different ex. It's like a less charitable version of pay it forward.
In my defense, there are at least three ways to die doing that, and I'm still here. America, Fuck Yeah!
Wanna get drunk and play candy land? If so you are 2 steps behind.
I threw up in my 8 AM. Morale is low.
I pelvic thrusted so hard while he was eating me out that his nose started bleeding. I think it's broken. Trophy scars, right?
never have sex with a mint flavored condom on. my vagina is on fire.
We still on for Manwhore Monday?
Randomize
