she looks like luggage that fell from a plane
the real housewives reunion is on...i wanna see if danielle can look any more surprised than the facelift allows
i wanna see dina punch her face back to normal
And i quote: "where's y'alls from comin' in with them accents?" - from a mississipi mcdonalds
okay im going to go eat, shower and find underwear... call if you want.... but ill be listenig to glee VERY loudly.
Hashbrowns don't come out your nose as easily as you would think
the ceiling is raining jello shotss
I was so drunk, I was kissing everyone. Their sexual preference was none of my concern.
I never want to hear the words unlimited shots for boobs in the same sentence ever again.
It was fun until the stripper told me it was her first day and started crying.
I set up her keyboard so that no matter what she does, it will open up RedTube. Click and command Q all you like, its going to porn. No I play the waiting game
Only I could host a baby shower where the cops get called.
He said we were over, wrote my name on the condom he left in my car last night and said he'd always keep it in case I came back. It was kind of romantic
NO FUCKBOY SHALL PASS OPERATION #BITCHMODE HAS SUCCEEDED
You coming to give me head and eat tacos?
and then she sorta stared at me like "holy shit" and I looked down and my dog was licking her ass
Ruff night.
Randomize
