the doormen always congratulate him in spanish as he walks me downstairs in the morning
even if everyone didnt know them screaming eskimo brothers and high fiveing over my head kinda gave it away
Life after highschool has not been kind to her. She looked fatter than Luke Wilson's face in those AT&T commercials.
Left my card at the bar and had a drunk girl climb on the hood of my running car to scream at me.
Dude. This guy has a ketchup bottle full of jello shots. Best. Thing. Ever.
I'm sorry for not being sorry about whatever shit I did to you when you were annoying and I was drunk. That is all.
We turned a watering can into a margarita bong.
like are we talking 'quick beer' bad or 'break out the real vodka' bad
I was basically just fingering myself and thinking about space.
I swear to god if you eat that last piece of pie while I'm gone I will never speak to you again. I'm so serious.
Dude at one point I lost you only to find you sitting in the bushes eating pizza.
I woke up at 3:30 this morning to pee. Luckily, I didn't have to travel far as I was asleep in my CLOSET on my yoga mat. Good news is I had a pillow...
first he passed out on the toilet...then hugged it and screamed no no no as i tried to pull him out
i was ready to conquer the fucking world. i would have fought vin deisel to the death without hesitation
He wants to play improv games now whenever he gets drunk. Sometimes I just do not have the energy for that kind of a thing
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