I have to get up uber early tomorrow. Which is why I started drinking early today
party started at 10. cops are coming to shut us down now and its 11. i already lostmy underwear and im wearing a sparkly thong on my haed. this has to be some kinda record.
You were wearing a sombrero. And a crown. And told me to use the nerf gun to protect your room from the cat. You don't have a cat.
i think im having one of those erections lasting four or more hours
I love seeing you outside of a bar. It's like seeing a dog walk on its hind legs
Leaving the dealer's house. He just gave me a sincere hug and said good luck. This cant end well.
at which point I apparently ran in and shouted "I made the sex with that one!"
i think i can safely say that is the weirdest thing you've ever propositioned me with. so obviously my answer is yes.
My leg won't stop wagging. It's like it's congratulating my vagina.
Let's just say that watching the sunrise in a space helmet is really the only way to do it.
Well sorry I accidentally spooned your mom and possibly threw up on you
After getting kicked out of the bar, you proceeded to McDonald's, ordered 30 nuggets, slammed them all back in 5 minutes and then stole 3 traffic cones...how you only got charged with drunk in public is beyond me.
It's something you'd find in the room outside of Ben Carson's sex dungeon
I just watched a magician wearing a fedora deep throat a balloon\n
Right. He was like "I'll be here all night if I have to..." I was like "Well then, I'll have to call the cops..."
Randomize
