When you only buy popcorn and condoms at the grocery store they know whats up.
My mom found a condom in my purse
Correction: my mom found a used condom in my purse.
Convinced the bartender that I'm a congressman. Free Drinks. God bless America.
i literally would have sex with every single person on this girls wall, but not her
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I feel like I'm in a bed a bagels and mistakes.
Its not even 10am and we are talking about what guys assholes we would finger.
Nothing says walk of shame better than a onesie and a 12 pack of corona..
hes the hot one from work who thought i was dead after my party
using the campers leftover pizza money at the bar. Definition of great counselors right here.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The one thing I know about living in Vegas is the closest I'll ever come to being a father is singing the theme song from Full House to a garbage can while I eat an entire birthday cake.
It is becoming increasingly more likely that my entire halloween costume will be entirely composed of borrowed clothing from the two girls I'm hooking up
Sometimes I really think that if... When your stoned you have a catlike ability to just relax in any position
Then years and years after that I will send you a picture of my warped vagina from all the kids that I had.
Oh my god if I have to go on fetlife to find a guy who will fuck me right around here, I'm going to scream.
I’m going to fail his daughter so she stays in my class and I can keep fucking him. BEST. ORGASMS. EVER.
Then you can teach the kid to be a home wrecker
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