I'm driving to work with an ice pack on my vagina. how was your weekend?
I just realized this is gonna be the last time that I'm high in my childhood home. I'm kinda sad. I'm really high..
dude, I'm passing out in the fifth floor janitors closet. Let me know when the rooms opened back up
she was drinking until 3, woke up at 7, shouted 'I'M STILL DRUNK" and went out for a jog in her thong
PSA: Morning booty calls are no longer accepted after the hours of 6am when I've been drinking or before 11am when I have not. Your cooperation is appreciated.
im sure shes a lovely person but i cant be friends with someone that doesnt drink. its just not right.
Katelyn drunkenly ripped the soap dispenser off the wall so we decided to call it quits
I knew when her mom came in spraying me with Febreeze telling me I smelled like shame it was going to be a rough day.
Need your help. Dad's drunk and trying to build a still in the basement.
NM he's asleep in a pile of towels. They need to ease people back into Hockey Night in Canada.
It's hot as dicks out. Lets get drunk on the roof and make pterodactyl sounds at people.
Hit on in the middle of a Wal-Mart McDonald's by a really awkward nerd. There is not enough nope in the world.
He didn't call me beautiful but he came in less than five minutes so same thing, right?
Well I just took a pregnancy test... So how's your thanksgiving?
Imp drunk. It'd free popcorn tuedday I love life.
Found someone cuddling with my Uggs this morning. Guess the hundred pillows laying next to him weren't good enough.
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