yeah worst sex in my life. plus i think her little brother was in the room.
My mom asked me if I was being satisfied, sexually. And then discussed positioning.
well, if it werent for her you wouldnt have gotten a handjob in the middle of the bar. so, maybe you should thank her too.
I don't even want to talk about it, I'm traumatized. Even the dog knew to take advantage of the most intoxicated girl at the party...
The shit I just took was my body's way of telling me bourbon and mixed nuts aren't an appropriate dinner. Well played, colon. WELL. PLAYED.
There was blow residue on my chem book and my TA was like, did u stain your notebook with CaCO3?
A dude was barking out of one of the buildings so I barked back and he goes, "Oh shit! She barked back! Come to room 803 I'll fuck you!"
I'm so pissed theres no male strip clubs around where we are staying I looked extensively
I am praying to every god I can that he drank so much that he won't even remember me
Like, yea, let's talk sexy but also...LOOK! I SAW A CAT!
i just teared up watching channing tatum in drag emerge from the fog on lip sync battle. it's gotta be PMS. either that or something is realllllly wrong with me.
Comedy Central is in dire need of more sitable faces late at night - Trevor Noah has a baby face - there are federal rules against those types of sexual fantasies
she stuffed her marc jacobs purse full of cereal
classy
She climbed in my window blew me and left. She's in my phone as the blow job fairy
If I hear that song one more time I will drive to hell and make John Lennon eat my ass.
Randomize
