Theres puke in my trash can and spilled beer next to my bed... come get your girlfriend
Drunk and had dance off with 8 year old. Lost. Still drinking
you wouldn't stop saying "oil can" in the tin man voice until I gave you back your flask
That reminds me...we need to get swords
We had sex in the bathroom. Then he told me I could watch him pee.
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.
perfect. if all else fails remind him how anxious he is. talk real fast and induce a panic attack that only I can remedy with xanax.
I've fucked 6 of my brothers' friends. I'm completely fine with him fucking the girl we ate lunch with.
Woke up in time for my 8:15
Good for you I'm impressed
I realized 10 minutes in it was a class from last semester
we're like the harlem globetrotters of underage drinking
starting to feel like a fuck wizard with a magical sixth sense for people fucking.
I don't want the fire department to come out here twice in one weekend because of your god damn vape.
Come get your boyfriend. He is hammered talking to me about hot dogs and casinos.
I deserve a medal for being woke up at 6am on my day off by your mother asking where your brother is
How’s big weiner McGee?
I’m going to ask you one last time to call him Matt and he’s fine thank you very much
Randomize
