so my bro's bff came over...we had an awkward "yeah we fucked and can fuck later, but let's just pretend it didn't happen in front of the family" hug.
Phrase i just heard while watching the U.S. open: "Boy they have really trimmed it well, this has got to be the tightest hole in the Open."
WHY DIDN'T ANYON E TELL ME SHE WAS SIXTEEN
he wouldnt have sex with me because his guild had a misson on world of warcraft.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I overheard a kid saying to his mom at Walmart: "Mommy.. should we buy cups for daddy's spit?"
he was actually really polite. he asked before he came on my chest because he "wasn't sure my stance on it".
Not gonna happen. She just told me she puts glitter over the mole on her nose to make it look like a piercing.
I swear that when I have my own bathroom, I'm gonna lock myself in there and masterbate for at least 3 days in sheer appreciation of it.
I feel like Tiger Woods should send Jesse James a gift basket or something...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
After a valiant attempt at golf, I think it's time for Tiger to go back to doing what he does best- having sex w/ blond, white women.
You couldn't find your shoe so you introduced yourself as Cinderella for the rest of the night.
Ahh that explains the text from creepy mike saying he would be my prince charming.
Tornado booty call.. dedication
I'm smoking pot with a man in a pink suit, size 15 wide shoes who bought his bowl from a place called Chinese Bling Bling while I'm dressed as a unicorn drinking pumpkin beer
My ex boyfriend literally just asked "who needs porn?". This is EXACTLY why I dumped his ass.
Our livers get a hall pass for 2020, right?
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