So you refered to him as "monster dick"...not so much
From inside my college history class i see him waving his arms while holding a beer bong trying to get my attention
Just KTHXBAIed an old man for staring at me
RIGHT?!?! I'M ACTUALLY UPSET I DON'T GET TO MAKE THE 2.3 MILE TREK TO SUCK HIS COCK, yes I google earthed it.
I have officially made out with every girl you've made out with, even the random you met on the Mexico flight
I'll always be here to give you immoral support.
They actually said and I quote "it definitely looks like your knees went through some over usage"
Dont care what i do tnt just as long as i get to chug a beer in somebodys face
Look. If you're going to be my girlfriend you need to be down with me licking BBQ off your face infront of kids.
I'm naked, I'm drunk, and I'm all up on social media right now
its like my brain is a tree and you are those little cookie elves
I was so high I didn't realize I'd put on someone else's bra. I thought my boobs had shrunk.
Please hurry. I'm the only one here who's not an attorney with a trophy wife.
He caught me mid-escape...one leg out the window, bra n thong in hand.I just looked at him and said "Bye Now" n proceeded to fall out his window....then.... tell me why he texted me 30 min later to make sure i got home ok! #igotthis
I am literally watching TV with sunglasses on because the brightness hurts my hangover
Randomize
