she called me screaming that i shouldn't ignore her phone calls, because she's not trying to get me to hang out with her and she doesn't want to be my girlfriend, she just wants sex.
what did you do?
i asked her out. that's so hot.
yah I made NO friends last night. at one point i think i replaced talking with spitting
the lady at Walgreens winked at me when i asked where the cherry chapstick was... damn u katy perry!
We were sexting and at the end, instead of us having sex, he decided to put "we fell asleep in each others arms."
His mom told be she once got turned down for playboy. 1 biggest mistake Hugh made. 2 is she hitting on me?
omg. don't know how to spell his name, but hot new zealand guy's dick is magic
so he just called his new girlfriend by my name and she was too drunk to even notice how awkward..
random question: do you know anywhere in the tri-state that has elephant racing? this is a work related question.
Dude you didn't move for like 2 hours then suddenly sang the chorus to ghetto superstar and passed back out
Apparently 'she used to sleep with my brother' is not an acceptable answer to how do you know each other.
I really want to shower but i'm afraid i'll sober up. My mouth feels like a stripper pole too...
We fucked to showtunes. Never going out with a theatre major ever again.
Yeah, I fucked him. and the worst part is his name was Jesus. And nobody said it in Spanish. Just Jesus. There is no way I can avoid burning when I walk into a church from now on.
i liked you for your lack of ambition and abundance of weed
I woke up and there is a small Irish man playing call of duty in my room. Discuss.
Randomize
