I cant find my shoes, my wallet, or my keys, but i know where your sister is.
When I was her age, Pluto was still a planet... but i said what the hell
That chode just called off the engagement. I just dropped his toothbrush in the toilet. And I’ve forgotten to take my birth control for the past two weeks. He’s fucked!
is it bad that i regret hanging out with a girl tonight because that means i have less time to sit on youtube watching xmen cartoons?
i am literally watching eva make a trashbag diaper for you to sleep in tonight. whole new level of low for you.
yeah the cable guy is coming and everybody is hiding all the pieces in the house. we are up to thirty two. like a fun game of smokable scavener hunt.
I would rather burn my vagina off with a damn flame thrower before I would touch anything that has touched her skank ass.
Was booty called last night and I was so blacked out that my roomie made me puke before going to "eye of the tiger." Why I'm still single is beyond me
Listen I'm a sentimental character under all this alcohol and ratchetry
The fact that I took a nap during my midterm shows exactly how I handle being an adult
Is it too early in the day to ask a nipple-related question?
You guys I wore sweatpants to work today because I simply forgot to put on real pants and I had a weed brownie and a juice box for breakfast. I am not ready for parenting.
I told him you're making deviled eggs for the party. Sisters make deviled eggs to get their sisters laid. It's science.
This is like a walk of shame down memory lane.
It's slightly odd going to a booty call during morning rush hour with everyone else going to work.
Randomize
