I never thought that I'd ever use the phrase "and the resulting ice cream explosion" seriously at work...
Day two of vacation and my first drink of the day is a plan b colada
I sent the random girl I had sex with last night a 'happy mothers day' text as a reminder to get the morning after pill.
Girl next to me just ralphed in a bag. Congrats class of 2010
You should have been there. We got drunk and threw a sword through his windshield.
i could have sworn she did an overextended split with her legs over her head but now i think it was just the drugs
It's barely 9 am & I've already had an ice cube IN my vagina
He thought I was flirting with him but really I just needed someone to hold me up.
I HAVE MY OWN TITS FOR THAT AND I CAN GUARANTEE THAT THEYRE MORE GLORIOUS
me blowing you awake is the exact turn i want our relationship to take
Well, somebody (me) put on reindeer antlers, crawled around on the floor, and meowed at people... So yeah, I'd say it was "one of those nights"
When I tried to give you a hickey, you karate chopped me in the neck.
I just really hate taking care of things... If I can't fill it with liquor I'm not sure what to do with it.
There are far too many naked dudes in your apartment, and they aren't even watching porn. I mean seriously, they've got the Lion King on.
He was really cute! And I know but it's just like getting my fix ya know? He's basically a human vibrator.
Randomize
