Facebook is used to stalk your friends, Twitter is used to stalk celebritie=s, and Myspace is used to stalk underaged girls. Everything else is porn. T=he Internet in a nutshell.
Brutally Honest is my real middle name, Princess just sounds better.
at least the cop wrote "happy birthday" on the ticket.
I have a king size bed, I guarantee multiple orgasms, and I'll give you a ride home in the morning. Respond quickly.
sarah just described his penis as "like bong-girth." I'm gunna go for it.
I just realised I've never been sober in my apartment
Please tell me why your entire hallway smells like microwaved condoms.
My liver is begging me not to go, but sadly enough for him my feet and hands control me getting there.
Well the streets were closed, so it was okay for me to just lay down for a little bit.
You can't just call animal control when you're drunk because there is a bug in the shower.
These cutoffs are too tight but my ass looks like Freedom
Well I can cross 'get my dick slathered in coconut oil while watching the bob's burgers porn parody' off my bucket list.
Last night when I blacked out, I ate Chef Boyardee. I never want to be that drunk ever, ever again.
I told him I wanted to fuck him and he hasn't texted me back in 4 days...am I missing something
I made him leave to get me chicken nuggets so I could have sex with his roommate
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