god please explain to me why there's blood underneath my fingernails AND toenails?!?!
Dude To be completely honest I don't think you want me to.
dude, seriously he just sucked the milk out of the dogs breast and swallowed it... for $20, wtf....?
He knows my period schedule but not my work schedule.
The venue for the new years party is close to the hospital for obvious reasons.
Then I hope you find a set of extremely intelligent, flexible triplets in the ethnicity of your choice.
That is the nicest thing anyone has ever wished for me
Just smokin in the creek with some deer, they like the smoke, I know.
He's texting from midnight mass asking for nude pics. Baby Jesus is spinning in his manger as we speak
Yeah I ended up covered in the mud by the end, in a lady bug golf cart that was blasting jazz music with a dead phone
I started a USA chant at the bar last night for no reason, other than being plastered. Within 15 seconds, I was standing on a table and the whole bar was chanting but nobody knew why.
in the middle of telling this chick to sober up i was shotgunning beers. im gonna be ab awsome nurse.
This weekend was amazing, 4 confirmed pukings, 2 cops, 3 hookers, one photographed t-bagging of the groom, and a night in an illegal gambling house.
You know what would have been funny if we got arrested last night? The inventory search of the lock box:\n\nContents:\n1 work ID\n1 33 round Glock magazine\n1 set of keys\n1 vibrator\n2 bags fruit snacks\n1 parking hang tag
Yah. I'm gonna lay you down and feed you grapes, except I'm gonna replace grapes for my balls
the D I S R E S P E C T of sending someone nudes, them opening it, and not bothering to respond
u ever get horny for food. i ordered a bunch of crepes and its doin it 4 me
Randomize
