hey quick question, what would you consider to be a "first date" porn?
Please talk me out of ordering the stripper pole for a dollar. Please.
I need a leash, or some shame. Maybe.
She stopped mid hookup to ask me if we'd be done before Taco Bell closed.
Her voice kills me. Its the perfect pitch to fuck with my hangover.
Climbing out Mr. Friday night's bathroom window. He thinks I'm puking. Be on state st. with the getaway car and if you could bring me a shirt and some advil that'd be dandy.
So proud. See you in five. I've got coffee.
nothin like your phone freezing up and sending out old booty calls at 11am on a sunday. fml.
My nipple piercings are like the guardrails, that's why they feel so safe.
my question is who was more confortable? You sleeping on the floor or me tweeting from a bush?
BTW I totally understand panda express being popular amongst the highs. I can feel the shrimp being slaughtered in my mouth. It's fantastic.
It feels like a bunch of leprechauns are using my brain as a soccer ball
So here's a brief summary of my weekend: last night I drank four glasses of Death Punch, grabbed the toaster, said "This is mine", put it in my pants and walked out the front door.
Some guy named spider just bought me 5 shots
He stuck a cigarette in my butt last night. There is no coming back from that.
honestly i've never been more attracted to you than when you threw up on my floor
Randomize
