even through the webcam i could tell he was aiming for my face/hair
you kept trying to make scrambled eggs with 3 hardboiled ones.
Thanks for the ave Maria song you left on my phone that lasted for TEN minutes.
Hey do you have a way to post bail? If not we can hook you up. If a police officer is reading this please ask him and respond in a timely fashion. I am concerned for my imprisoned friend
you were standing in two feet of water, screaming at people walking by to "call river rescue".
Just stabbed myself in the face trying to lick melted cheese off a kitchen knife.
I wonder what acid is like for a blind person... Can we find this out?
I'm a busy girl. All I wanted was noncommittal sex a few times a week
And I just found out I called my debit card a fast food passport so I dont deserve to live
My tights ended up on the driveway folded neatly. Any ideas how that happened?
Guess who's now on the no-fly list? If you guessed me, you'd be right.
it's like my eyeball is being humped by my eyelid
I asked him if we could have sex sometime and he sent me a three page long text about his feelings for me. that's the only possible situation I've ever run into where a "k" response would have been more appropriate.
If I die bedazzle my coffin please.
Do you think it's a bad sign of the outcome of the pregnancy test I'm about to take that I was eating a fudgsicle on the way into the drugstore? Would it make worse to tell you I also bought a big ass bag of Cornnuts?
Randomize
