and thats how i got kicked in the balls by micky mouse
life just isnt the same w/o real world cancun
Why do you apologize after every time we have sex?
At one point I went looking for you and found you handcuffed to a chair. I'm pretty sure you handcuffed yourself. I don't know how you got there.
I'm at the point in my life where I'm trying to get guys I've fucked to give a ride to guys I'm going to fuck.
Dude i don't know we had to beg the bouncer to let us in because you were bleeding everywhere and he saw you run into a dumpster
The taxi driver was going on about how many drunk chicks want to sleep with him when he drives them home. Not sure if he was bragging or hinting
Think I just subconsciously wanted a cigarette and started sleep walking to Carl's.. Didn't realize what I was doing until I found myself in an elevator.
Itd be nice if there was a level of interest in me somewhere in between the indifference and obsession that I've only been attracting
He called from a stranger phone to say. He was a t a liquior store and there was a long line they have no condoms. This is the guy i was gonna go on a date with
Atleast he is letting you know he will be late
So we broke my sobriety. Played life size childhood games. Broke into a cold hot tub and got laid. I think this is BFF quality!
Going to put that on my resume. "Only accidentally snapchatted my titties to all of my friends once."
Snow days are when you really appreciate that your neighbor is on your bang roster.
Kick open the door, strike a pose, steal a boyfriend, end scene.
she referred to her cum as “pussy butter” so needless to say we had a good night
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