Seriously, stop peeing all over the toilet seat. It looks like movie theatre butter.
As of tonight I have officially had sex during every Disney movie.
im pretty sure thats the first step to being a pedafile
i am about to cut my stepbrother's hair into a mohawk with the same clippers i use to trim my pubes. god is so on my side today.
id like to know how you successfully locked me in your backseat last night
I was batman and I saved her. Then we had sex on a rooftop.
My first sex dream, I blew myself. Yours definitely wins.
and everything will be beautiful and nothing will hurt and we will eat nachos
we are still finding bottels filled with his pee. tom almost drank the one in the frig
They flooded the bathroom and their version of cleaning it up was to throw our couch cushions on it. That's when I decided to chug tequila and go drunk bowling. So hitting the kid with my ball is really their fault.
The nun costume is coming back hard and it still has glitter and the smell of Vegas on it.
Best. Text. Ever.
HE ASKED IF I HAD SIBLINGS WHEN I ASKED HIM TO LICK MY ASSHOLE
I've been vomiting all day.
All day? It's 10am.
i'm sitting in bed scratching my boobs and wearing a sparkly fedora and have no one to blame but myself
He couldn't undo my bra. He ended up breaking the clasp he clawed at it so long. We met on Tinder for God sake
is it fun? or sober?
A sultry night of tacos and sex sounds nice. Should I bring home milk?
Randomize
