How do you get a cum stain out of a trampoline?
It was the single greastest thing to happen to my dick ever
Somebody was walking their dog with their car. seriously
we smoked out of your homemade aunt jamima bong
Whatever dude, I don't feel bad about it. If my girlfriend finds out even SHE should give me a high five. That bitch was fine
Its hard to hear the music in here over his nasal whistle. And his breath smells like old milk. I think I need more vodka, and he better be buying. You owe me.
I wiped my mouth this morning with a pine tree branch after I threw up on the side of the road. Tis the season
It's a sit down to pee kind of hangover
I can't feel my tongue. And that means go. Green means go. And you know what Barney says. Green means go and woah means no. DRIIIIINKK
Reading an example in the GRE study book referencing Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles while wearing TMNT pajamas. *airfist*
omg please tell me you're eating pizza right now too.
He has been feeding me cheesecake and candy for breakfast. Naked. For three days. How am I ever going to leave????
Idk I'm drinking Sam Adams and wearing new balances so I'm basically a dad
Apparently this establishment won't let you rent a sailboat if you have been drinking rum all morning
Like, bro, how do you think I got the idea to go sailing
Well I finally got to say all the things I wanted to say. Including telling him he looks like a naked mole rat
My roommate just google searched "cumming blood" using my laptop. Her boyfriend is in her room, she looks scared. Words cannot explain how hilarious this is.
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