"Ever since I killed her kid she be actin' shady." Actual quote overheard at Marine World just now. Oh God.
Who keeps a bong in their car??
Kids who graduated high school two weeks ago.
girl has like over 50 stars tattooed on her front, side and back. feels like i just fucked the universe.
then she said she was half-a-virgin and that she would appreciate it if i would finish what her old booty call started
We just did a shot to "getting laid in the bar bathroom". I love where this thursday is headed
Just woke up bloody and clutching a rear view mirror I'm pretty sure is from my car. For those of you keeping score at home this is why I stopped drinking four loko.
we made it to hole 3 and then just sat down on the fairway and finished off our case....cheered on other golfers as we let them play through.
Sorry about the voicemail last night, people in hostel thought getting the clap from cheating on me wasn't enough and you hearing a 6 foot 5 Swedish dude bang the shit out of me was needed.
All i remember is Liz dragging me home yelling at me, crying, and barfing
last night we stole an a/c window unit from a frat. gonna be a great summer
He is currently pregaming mini golf. MINI GOLF.
Idk. It's not appealing to me. Like don't get me wrong, I love ur dick A LOT but I don't want to stare at it on an iPhone screen
Seriously babe, why do I keep waking up with bruises on my nipples? WHAT ARE YOU DOING TO ME IN MY SLEEP?
Actually, scratch that, I'm not sure I want to know.
Like I cant decide if he's like autistic or something or just seriously cock blocks himself on purpose with this shit
Left my wallet at the store. Wouldn't have noticed if the joint I just rolled wasn't in it.
Randomize
