i'm really high, and this is sooooooooooo important. how many frosties does it take to fill a bathtub?
You left half a beer on someones car and claimed it was a second day of hanakuh gift
just went to the store to buy a mop & tampons. i feel like i just gave in to all those women jokes.
Ok, so for future reference, in Rome, "piano bar" means "brothel".
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm wearing a shirt that says "birthday girls #1 homo" ...what has my life come to?
After seeing how much you are able to funnel in a night, I am 90% sure your blood is pure gin.
When you put my balls in your mouth i just want to buy you expensive gifts...you know what i mean?
I just walked by a dude at the gym covering himself in olive oil.
It's not my fault, Tequila turned all my alarms off.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm using emojis for drug deals now. It's time to kill me.
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
I swear to God...this day is one great big who's who in the land of fucked uppedness.
the yoga instructor with the "dirt" and "roots" tattoos is seriously mother nature. i get my period after ever session i have with her. i'm trippin' balls over it.
i should probably stop doing things just because i think they’re funny. i’m not going to.
That man fucks like a champ. The sex was so good I did him again in the morning just to be sure
Randomize