I just saw a stripper wear a tube top around her floppy gut. God bless Michigan.
Its where this guy sticks a jar up his ass. Be prepared to be suspended between vomiting and cheering.
Picking up third year law school girls is like MILF hunting for beginners
i have this theory that all the people in the world who dont like mayonnaise had very bad encounter with jizz once
I got to stop making out with my boss at work. I think we should just get it overwith, be dissaponted and move on.
So tasty. Tasty like a vagina with ninjas in it
I woke up with a solved rubics cube in my purse
I dunno what the deal was, but you spent about an hour trying to put your phone charger in the outlet and you were yelling "one plug to rule them all"
I just realized that at some point last night I told someone I would only be friends with 16% of them because the other 84% stole my people's land
it is basically gonna be an ugly Christmas sweater rave
I told her it would be awesome. We are all the same people. One of us would always be drunk, one of us would always be hooking up, and one of us would always be crying into a pancake.
Yeah, I mean I'll probably fuck him regardless but I'm trying to be a lady about it.
The thing about being single is like Sunday morning sex is nice but so is Sunday morning eating Nutella from the jar in your underwear
How I know we're old. Don knows the owner. The owner said 'How about some shots?' We said no thanks. He looked puzzled and came back later and said 'You know it's on the house?' We said 'Yeah, no thanks.'
I don't know what that means but it's making me want to fuck you.
Randomize
