honestly if we didnt hate the same people we would have a friendship based on nothing
the nurse was shocked when I handed her a cup of green piss. what did she expect giving me a drug test on st. patty's day?
I mean I drunk but not enough to handle a Scientology convention
I just found a casserole dish in my oven filled with broken glass, blood, and chopsticks. And the REALLY fucked up thing is that finding it answered more questions than it raised.
We've reached the point in our fuck buddy relationship where we are playing words with friends. This is too intimate.
Letting two friends screw at my place in exchange for weed. This is my life.
Cute boy and deffffff wearing a HS shirt. I am getting too old to be inaccurate.
He expects to fuck my tits but will ignore me in public.
we're all going for beer and wings at 7. inflate your girlfriend and bring her along too.
I snapchatted him nudes and he didn't screenshot a single one of them because he's a gentleman.
He used the term 'cock-staggering' in an email. So needless to say things are going pretty well.
The important thing is that she is gone, presumably back to the depths of hell from whence she came.
I was desperate and wasn't about to let my cereal get soggy so I ate it on the toilet. Don't let me repeat last night.
I need your opinion, is it ACTUALLY sweet that a booty call offered to walk me home with an umbrella because it was raining, or is that just low standards?
Do you realize we were driving someone else’s car and I was holding the wheel while you were driving and sucking my dick. That’s NOT normal
Randomize
