just went onto Yahoo and the featured article had a picture of one of the Jonas brothers. last two times the featured article was a celebrity's face the headline was "Michael Jackson is Dead" and "Pitchman Billy Mays is Dead" so naturally I got a little excited. Turns out he's just engaged. Who gives a fuck.
she said it was okay because they were "professional" nude pictures of her on the internet
Just dunked an oreo in a white russian. Trying to think of a better experience in my life and failing.
we ended up doing shots out of those medicine cups..swine flu finally did something good for me
Word to the wise: do not smoke before going grocery shopping with only 12 bucks. So stressful.
He just told me he's been drinking vodka at work all day. I'm starting to believe in soul mates.
What if we made a bunch of weed butter and then poured the butter into tiny rectangular molds and then chilled it so it was solid again and then wrapped it with the tin foil wrapping from restaurant butter and then left them at restaurants and wreaked utter havoc.
You are a magnificent human being. I love you from head to toe. This wine is DELICIOUS.
But see that's the thing. I know i'm better looking than you, I just want you to be continually in a state of shock and awe that you could ever get a girlfriend this hot. You know?
Spotted: shirtless guy wearing cut-off hot shorts, 1 cowboy boot and a sombrero puking in a bush while his friend yelled 'stop being a bitch" from the sidewalk'. Happy 4th of July 'merica!
Turns out the bartender I fucked is the bar owner. WHY THE FUCK DO I PAY FOR HALF MY DRINKS? IS SEX NOT TIP ENOUGH?
So I'm just casually at the grocery store when I remember that there's still a clove of garlic in my vagina
Those boxers don't belong to me anymore. They belong to the desert surrounding Phoenix.
I have tasted many bathrooms
Let go out that Thursday night!
Yess sounds good, I have to go turn myself in the next day because what happened last Friday.
Randomize