You know, as long as there were ice cream breaks, I would totally eat chips for a living.
My T9 Word has dryhumped saved but I can't even get it to figure out bbq.
I am sitting on my kitchen floor drunk with a bottle of jose cuervo, tryin to make cinnamon rolls and write a paper. I love college
I can't wait to be a mother. My daughters gonna outdrink every boy in her grade
why oh why did i suck thise tits. nothing but trouble fuuuuuu
$100 bras are my way of telling my boobs that I love and appreciate them, and all the metaphorical doors they have opened for me.
Ya I guess if we compared our actions now with our actions 2 years ago. We are definitely in a constant state of shit showness.
If is anything like my past relationships, I have no doubt that I will single-handedly reignite the Cold War
On a side note Tyler is buying beer from a gas station in a panda suit priceless
Yeah. Just jump him. Naked. Claim his dick for yourself.
I'm about to smoke a joint alone, do you want to FaceTime and pretend you're smoking it too?
This bar smells like your ball sack. In a weird way I miss you.
I need to thank someone for this kid's penis.
I am coming home with the worst sun burn of my life, two unused condoms, and an unworn slutty dress. Worst. Bachelorette. Party. Ever.
All I ever wanted was my bed, Tylenol, and total darkness. Instead I had a pervert with porno posters who blares german rock calling me tootsie pop. How was your saturday night?
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