My superpower would be to be able to make a chick instantly start her period just by thinking about it
I mean i might have to drop this class tomorrow. I just walked into a midterm
taking a shot every time they compare curling to a real sport
I just won 10 dollars from out chugging the bar tender and I found out that the baby aint mine in the last hour. I don't even care if l get laid tonight any more.
update: last drink of the night and im naked in my porch hammock. life is good.
Who topped off the "random beer mix" beer bong with a pinch of pepper?? All you could taste was busch and pepper...
im pretty sure the clearest way to say "dont worry, im not emotionally attached" was by sleeping with his roommate the next night
We need to get her a baby shower present. And no, a blow up sex doll with her dead boyfriends picture stuck to it, is not appropriate.
i was beyond wasted so he tucked me into bed and wrapped the blankets around me like a burrito. then gave me a bloody mary and an omlet when i woke up. and who says living with your cousin is a bad thing?!
God and karma are having a fucking field day with my body today.
I woke up and he was starring at me and then said "do you believe in miracles"?
I mean like if I stood up my head might pull me down like an anchor
I told her shower beers are even better when you have someone in there with you and she said she's been looking for a new drinking buddy. It's a goooooo
They both showed up at the same time... to surprise me. One had flowers and the other had chocolates. Needless to say, I will be at the bar all weekend long trying to figure out how this happens.
I just spent 100$ at a sex shop to make myself feel better. And I signed you up to win 200$ so if you win, it's mine. And yes I'm serious.
Randomize
