I have had sex with more partners than how old he is.
I can't remember last night. I must have yelled at your girlfriend til she cried again.
Yup.
I woke up at 2 in my clothes with a defrosted steak in my pocket, no drinky this week at all.
When she talks to me all I hear are 5 generations of inbreeding speaking.
They are currently going door-to-door asking the neighbors to donate money for Cheez-Its and gift wrap. They asked me to stay back at the house to make another pitcher of margaritas.
At 4am he sent "uree asss ize anmazin"
I just want to hug my vagina but I can't!\nLike, I want to wrap my arms around it and say "I'm sorry"
There's hot sauce all over my mirror, lamp shade and dresser. Also it's your turn for weed
I JUST LIKE FLANNEL, NOT VAGINAS! OK?
He went down on me to the national anthem being sung by Jordan sparks. It was very patriotic of him
Apparently I had 2 bloody noses and after my sis put me to bed at the hotel, I escaped and my sister's friend found me in an elevator with some guy
His eyefucking isn't even normal eyefucking; it's eye anal.
For a girl who cried from fear the last time she was asked out, this. Is. TERRIFYING!
Okay everything with a penis is officially dead in my eyes
I woke up and saw that my last google search was "Bacon neck".
Randomize
