he thinks he's going to hurt your feelings
He can't hurt my feelings
I don't have feelings.
He was like an evil genius with the clitoris. I don't stand a chance.
I've never had a woman show me her venereal disease results in a bar before.
I came downstairs to find I had missed the 3some on my kitchen floor but not the pukefest or ER trip after it. This is what happens when the voice of reason is otherwise occupied
I'm not sure which is worse. The fact that I slept with him last night, or the fact that you did too.
oh my god its dad's weekend for the sororities i can't wait to throw up in front of all these parents
As I was driving her home she congratulated each and every deer we saw for making it through the first day of dear season.
He kept his baseball cap on when he went down on me...
Driving to get a preg test with my ex, wearing my unicorn hat
You are so not ready for motherhood
Also I think my taxi driver may have just died and we just happen to be on a 35 mph cruise control on 395...
Hey. I thought you were saving your 80s playlist til marriage.
i should probably stop thinking with my vagina, and start using that $70, 000 education i can't afford. what the fuck.
Bullets don't scare me. I wish I was a coyote
Some guy just ate one of the dog treats. I have him a free beer. I love my job.
I named my Roomba after my pot dealer. I have a problem, don't i?
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