Saw a dead body on the way to the casino. I think that's a good sign.
we didnt fuck last night. again. seriously, his place is like where dreams go to die.
you alive?
ya, the episode of maury where people are afraid of things are on, i had to keep livin
he needs to stop telling all his friends what my queefs sound like. its getting awkward to be around people who can quote my vagina.
Me and a lesbian played "may the best man win" over a bi chick tonight... I lost, still fun though
Nope. Can't afford girlfriends. Still looking for the 25 year old bisexual tripled who owns a brewery or a casino.. the search continues....
Remind me to tell you a really funny story about me and arson.
We have a vagina exchange agreement. Neither of us can hook up with any of our own law firm's summer associates. So we have a scout and referral program and invite each other to the other firm's summer events. Criss-cross!! Works every summer.
Next time I feel awkward in a situation I'm going to just yell "free bird!!!!" Like some redneck at lynyrd skynyrd show
you just rode your bike home from a one night stand in a stolen skirt with no underwear and you're telling ME to reevaluate life choices?!
I'm so drunk. Remember me this way.
THERE IS A DOG IN THE CLUB. I repeat a dog in the club. I might have laid down and petted it..I have no shame.
Did you pee in the oven last night??
how do i say "cradle the balls" in Italian
Do you think in an oreo forest they would have rivers of milk?
Randomize
