I feel like abortions should bother me more
you were having sex in the bathroom so i pee'd in your bong water...
Last night we hooked up in nothing but out UK shirts during half time. Never say I'm not a dedicated fan again.
Hey do you want me to wrap up that Jack in the Box you left in my gutter
Thats gotta be it. Also just found out that the fireworks will fit in the airsoft pistols...we are all gonna die
I'll just have to do enough fangirling for the both of us. Nipples engaged.
Can you check on Mike in the bathroom. It's been like 20 min.
He's fine. He's just standing at the trash can in line for another beer from the keg. Nbd.
who started the 'put a scrunchy' around his balls' game?
I'm remembering the time we thought it was a brilliant idea to put koolaid powder in shots of goldschlager
when i got home she was standing in my front yard not wearing a shirt and halfway crying/ halfway laughing
I want a bottle of whiskey to be dropped at my doorstep like a stork drops babies when they are delivered to their parents.
God what have you done to be that much in need of alcohol.
Me WANTS my preciousssssssssss
You were ¾ of the way through the first pitcher of margaritas then you turned to me and said "Wow I can barely taste the vodka!" And then…….
...Then...
Then I told you margaritas are made with tequila not vodka. You whipped the pitcher at the wall and ordered another one
I think we need to stage a munchie intervention for Ben. I just watched him use a tortilla as a potholder to dump water out of his ramen.
Also, I had mind-blowing sex on a pool table
If youre worried about being stabbed, you probably shouldnt be there.
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