Why were you high on a thursday?
today's a wednesday
I asked first.
I just saw a girl make a shank with the underwire in her bra...
We'll probably be arrested for having a cheetah in our apartment anyway, so I say go for it.
Just woke up to my stoned boyfriend building a shrine around my bare ass. He'll never leave me.
Just called the bar: "hi this is the girl who you kicked out for excessive bleeding, do you happen to have my coat?"
I'm on my way, but at some point we're going to have to settle who gave who crabs the last time
I action rolled over a firepit. Twice. I am the action roll king
I just had a full choir singing the phrase pudding cup in my head. Too. Stoned.
WE SHOULD FUCK TWO GUYS THAT LIVE TOGETHER
THAT WOULD BE SO CONVENIENT WE COULD CARPOOL
He asked me not to hook up with anyone else because it would hurt his feelings.. while his arm was around his pregnant girlfriend.
I decided to let him keep the rest of my good weed as an "I'm sorry for being a drunk ass ho" consolation prize.
It was a great idea until we got stuck in a ditch. We had to call redneck cousin 1
He must be a special kind of stupid to cheat on a women who works at a funeral home. Does he not understand you can get rid of dead bodies easier than most Americans?
I did this clutch move yesterday at the bar where I grabbed a plastic cup for water and discreetly threw up in it while walking around and then tossed it. It was my best boot and rally ever
So I had this brilliant idea that I would sleep in all sorts of sweatpants and sweatshirts... Apparently I thought I could "sweat" off the drunk in my sleep and that it would make me feel better when I woke up
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