Hey, It's Lauren. i wanted to talk to you tonight. I like you, as you know because kyle told you. I was wondering if you liked me too?
Are you in the third fucking grade? Check yes or no.
It would be worth it to see how drunk he is right now.
He cartwheeled into the side of the neighbor's garage.
Ok, i'm coming over
laying in bed listening to christian music, jealous of the hope they have for their life. also need to beat off, can i think about you?
There was jim beam in your oven. I just preheated it.
it feels like theres a golf ball between my legs. the sex was totally worth it tho.
Just got head while drinking hot cocoa and eating cookies. Never in my life have I felt more like santa claus
so im sitting outside the gym eating a 20 piece nugget stoned out of my mind, convincing myself this is more productive because im so close to the treadmills.
Welcome to drink and talk like a Russian afternoon.
Pirate drinking day will be planned for shortly
I approve this so hard.
I'm sitting in Starbucks, waiting for direction in my life, or it to be 8 p.m. Whatever comes first.
I drank enough to tranq a steed. You really missed out
Somewhere in this city is a lost rubber penis that needs to find its way back home
Know we haven't talked but having an orgy party on the 20th if you're interested. If not, disregard this text.
Who is this?
Finally get to put my practical writing degree to use! I'm writing a craigslist ad for a threesome
You burped in your shoe and whispered 'you're mine now'
I'm going to blow a ton of money on sex toys just so I can tell you to do better than them.
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