There was a pool of blood on my desk and we still don't know who it belongs to. missed a good party, man.
I like one night stands...theyre like crushes for big kids
giving yourself 2 days to recover i see
I'll need it. Largely because i'm going to be stumbling through fancy restaurants with a bottle of whiskey insulting couples all night.
i just opened the overnight bag i packed at 2am last night. Apparently all i thought id need was a handful of quarters, mascara and one sock
She's licking the seat belt now. Feeling a little uncomfortable
a guy tried paying for lapdances with cds, who uses those anymore?
my co-worker, his best friend who also works with us, an my baby daddy, ive turned love triangle into a retarded shape with to many sides to pronounce
I don't know what you're talking about. I just drank beer out of my own bellybutton by doing a backbend and letting it run down my body.
Paris has not been good for her. Everytime she has a one night stand from a different country, she buys a mini flag and tapes it to her wall with the others
DAMMIT Im supposed to be running a company not discussing dick piercings!
There was so much jailbait at the festival that there was no other option but to drink my morals away
I just realized that you're going to be drunk for daylight savings time again. Godspeed.
You wanna come over?
Too high to be booty called. My cereal is growing hair.
You said the best orgasm you ever had, you gave to yourself. your boyfriend looked really disappointed. so did half the room.
This year my vagina is giving thanks that several of my cubs are coming home for the holiday
Randomize
