; Think of how many worthless people would b non existant if there was no liquor so their parents never hooked up
I had to go to the bank to confirm purchases made on 10/31/09 because they were signed as Lady Gaga
Party in the USA is so catchy!
Yea, so is AIDS.
I couldn't accept the bj. My penis has done nothing wrong and didn't deserve the punishment of her face.
I smuggled my gin and tonic out of the bar by shoving the glass in my pocket...mistakes were inevitable.
You don't forget tits like those, even if you are vegas drunk.
Despite fighting the urge to vomit throughout the whole thing, I think that interview went really well!
Me focusing on not shitting my pants is keeping me awake.
I wore a bird inflatable and still got laid. So there's that.
Buying the inflatable beer pong table for the pool was one of the best investments I've ever made
He was like low grade Riff Raff, but I hit it. Twice. His grill popped out the second time.
So I'm at early voting and the group of ladies behind me is talking about voting no on 2 and my gummy is kicking in, thank lawd
My fart just smelled like the inside of white castle, I mean spot on, no difference whatsoever.
let me wake up, find my pants, and find out where i am tommorow and ill get back to you on that
just took a pregnancy test before I went out drinking. if that's not drinking responsibly Idk what is.
Randomize
