I'm going to save the lime from my McDonald's salad to use in my Corona later tonight.
I called her 20 times. Apparently she went home to do MORE shots before bed. Didnt miss me until this morning. WHO FORGETS THEIR HIGHSCHOOL SISTER AT A FRAT?
It's been this way for a few days. I had chick fil a on Friday so this could be an attack from the Gay Gods as punishment.
Jumanji is 1000% better stoned while cooking breakfast.
THANK YOU for not letting me make out with that girl omfg I was one step away from a foursome in the handicapped stall
woke up to find i out made out with his roommate before hooking up with him. breakfast was awkward to say the least
That tampon felt like a stick in my vagina, I am never making a drunken tampon choice again. Friends don't let friends choose tampons drunk.
He was stoned and starts screaming, "I ain't got but a dollar, I wanna hear waterfalls!". Maybe he can hang with us....
Just keep your throat open and beer will always find its way in.
Just let me suck your dick and be happy. Let me have this.
Cooked. Eating pizza. Didn't have a napkin so I took my shirt off and I'm using it.
sorry bout the carpet, but you DID call it "blackout punch" not "don't vom on my floor punch"
Someone drank my pedialite!
YOU drank your pedialite. I watched you chase shots with it!
I swear it’s like he’s filling my soul via my vagina
i let a mormon finger me. i don't ever want to be that drunk again.
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