end the night at a gay bar...not sure how...but why the fuck do i have two condoms in my pocket?
I woke up hungover and reached for a glass of water only to realize too late that it was vodka sprite with my splooge in it.
I just saw a guy in the gym riding the bicycle while watching baseball and dipping.
Seriously, I'm ready to settle for ugly and unemployed as long as he has decent hygene and likes to go down.
Fantastic. I'm pretty cold, tired, dirty, and hungry, but that comes with an adventurous weekend. Who needs a wallet or keys anyway? I could totally be homeless.
I'm trying to find candidates for my winter break hook up. I'm going to hold auditions thanksgiving break.
IM A SHIT SUOW THE GUYS AT THE PMACR TOLD ME AJDBO I WEBF RO WALNARY WITH OU SHOES! I WASHT LLOWES FLOWERSA
Come get your boy. He's cuddling with a bag of rice on the floor.
That rando I gave head to on the beach just endorsed me on LinkedIn for Oral Communication Skills. So there's that.
I hooked up with a blind guy last night... he's clapping in order to find his way around our apartment
I completely forgot I gave up beer. But airports don't count. They're like international waters. No rules.
He hit me up on Grindr and called me "bro." I just have to assume that the sex is going to be bad.
Lots of tissues. Maybe pizza. Only time will tell. The stages of political grief.
Because of you I'm damaged goods. I'm a fucking soup can and you dropped me.
My Boss was giving porn recommendations. I think I'm scarred for life.
Randomize
