she had a pic of herself in a bikini as the wallpaper on her iPhone... I'm sensing a Tyra banks kinda girl. shit.
i would totally change schools right now just to be that new girl everyone wants
You know you're hung over when your pose in art class is lying face down on the platform
I listened to the last 10 minutes of that 20 minute voicemail, it's solid gold. At one point he literally suggests we buy tasers and go around shooting people.
I'm literally partying with O.J. Simpson's son right now. I don't know what to make of this.
Found a beard hair in my crotch.... care to explain?
You may have cured my horniness. I feel like my libido just got shat on by kittens who live on an enchanted rainbow.
Just paid off my possession ticket on 4/20. Helloooo awesome.
It's a given that you're going to get peed on at a country concert
I'm not sure if it was the 11 shots or your naturally vibrant personality but I recall you being quite noisy that evening
We won 11 games of beer pong, and then I spent a half hour trying to get into the top bunk. Then i realized it was a cabinet in the bathroom
Unlike bears, this weekend is not the #1 threat to America. It is, however, the #1 threat to my liver
I almost had sex in a public restroom last night in case you're wondering how much of a mess 22 is for me
I understand why animals eat their young in the wild after watching your kid this afternoon
What conversation warrents "penis" in rainbow comic sans
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