I showed my boss the "She Wolf" video. He sent it to all his friends and told me to make us martinis...thanks Shakira and keep it up
i just ran into our bio chem professor at the bar. apparently, he doesn't follow the "no slapping your students' asses" rule.
He brought Stephanie home from the black light party. Apparently he has night vision beer goggles
And I was somehow convinced to wash the glassware at the bar topless.
If your wondering where your blanket is, I put it on the 2 guys you brought home last night. Their still sleeping outside on the trampoline.
I think "I actually like giving blow jobs better" qualifies her as a keeper
Also, hurry up because I don't like drinking alone. I'm still doing it, but I don't like it.
But the ghost of his schlong past haunts you
One day we'll be rich enough to go to rehab. Until then, fuck it.
who the fuck is meatball and why is he telling you to nap on the bar
If he doesn't get here soon I'm taking off my thong and eating his dinner.
Is it rude to send him a, "happy birthday, I hope you finally get an STD" text?
How is it possible for someone who gets so many dick picks sent to her, to be experiencing such a complete and utter lack of dick IRL.
Two grav bong hits and a shower later and I'm ready for company
It's like you say things that speak to my soul on a deep personal level
I feel awkward having to tell people “sorry you can’t finger me because I will get a UTI and I don’t have health insurance”
Randomize
