I'm home now. bring me food and boobies
TLC. RIGHT NOW. PRIMORDIAL TODDLERS.
I like how washing the beer bong is now a regular part of washing the dishes.
An hour ago, you were stranded out of state, and now you're getting laid? You are a god. Whatever you do, don't ask her name.
no dude I'm not doing anything bad to her...remember she's always the DD she has blackmail material on literally all of us
I puked in a solo cup and then offered it to him. So yeah, it was a rough night.
Holy. Crap. I just found a hickey on my bikini line. He never got my pants off. WHO IS THIS MYSTICAL HOOKUP WIZARD?
I asked you if you wanted to go to the ER, have me sew it up or just wrap it in duct tape and keep on keepin on. You just said YES. I remember very little after that.
You're a good friend.
You ruined me. I can't stop referring to everything outside as the "no-walls" ever since you showed me that video while I was tripping balls. My speech may be permanently altered for the rest of earth spins
Fuck baseball, getting drunk and playing with kittens is the REAL national pasttime
Taking care of drunk people fulfills my need to be a mother
Doug the spinning teacher gave me chlyamdia
He literally said, while inside me, "I would smack your ass but I don't want to wake my mom up". Amazing.
You just kept looking down at your tits and screaming "I LOVE YOU TWO!!!"
It's only considered alcoholism if you're drinking from something other than a cup....right?
Randomize
