So I went into my gym pretty wasted and asked the trainer guy if i could order a cock meat sandwich. Needless to say, I'm canceling my membership tomorrow.
as evidence of my kitchen this morning my night involved alot of mustard and condoms
if you don't let us come over today i'm not taking the second plan b pill. your call.
is 1am too late, or too early to make bacon?
My gynecologist inadvertently complimented your penis.
yeah, but the first step is admitting you have a problem, the next step is kidnapping him
Tabs I had open this morning: "15 hedgehogs with things that look like hedgehogs" and an unexplored google search for "how do I express my love of tacos"
Will you bring a case of beer down to the hot tub? Me and Phil don't want to feel feelings anymore
I just wanna be able to fart and do my homework but he won't leave
My boobs just got me out of my third ticket last night
i'm so proud. i woke up to nearly seven feet of basketball player in my bed this morning
you win. again.
Does sweetest day count when you're spending it with your fuck buddy, high and eating Pizza Hut?
I HAVE 5 FELTING NEEDLES AND THEYRE GOING DIRECTLY INTO YOUR EYES IF YOU POST THAT SHIT
I wish I could open myself up and check on my liver. Make sure it's hanging on. Ya know?
I'm not saying i'm drunk
But i'm drunk.
Is it wrong to want to use the Dark Web to buy Vyvance for legitimate purposes?
Randomize