The next morning she woke up and asked who I was and where she was.
Just saw an old lady trip and stumble. Laughed. Kept Driving. I'm going to hell.
I'll hook up with guys I don't even like, as long as they leave early enough the next day.
you went around the entire night in your french maid costume dusting off the "cob webs" on everyone's crotch saying "you havent gotten any action in a while"
I was wondering why i got so many friend requests the next day...
Fuck morning classes. Fuck early work. Fuck anything in the morning that doesn't involve sleeping, sex or bacon.
this dude just took some girl under your house for half an hour. you may have helped a 17 year old fuck on the beach for the first time. congrats.
What's the point of having 3 fuck buddies when their periods all seem to sync up
please dont let the old guy in the wheelchair see you when you wake up
I wish my head, heart, dick, and nose could just agree on something for once
Update- I sold my hat to some drunk kid for 50 bucks. I used my earnings to buy beer on the way home. I realize to everyone else seeing me drinking on my balcony at 6am, I look like an alcoholic, but I'm thinking of it as a night cap
You were crying because you hate wine coolers but you really wanted to prove you could finish it
What's the mantra for Sunday?
I will not have sex with him.
We grabbed as many adult diapers as we could and made a run for it.
GO RIDE HIS EYEBROWS INTO THE SUNSET
I wrote a list of things I enjoy doing. So far it says "get high and go to museums."
Randomize
