ps i'm pretty sure i was blacked out when we hooked up? good thing i was w. you and not an actual diddler or an organ harvester
Hahaha. Shut up you were blacked out my ass. U were str8 mixin it up with urs truly like it was ur J-O-B
Fire inspection over. Blunts are OK
i woke up to him dangling his cock in front of my face
I asked her if she wanted to make this a permanent exclusive thing instead of a fuck buddy thing, and she just looked at me like I'm an idiot.
That's because you are an idiot.
Speaking is such a hard concept right now
I can't find the keys to get out of my front door, there are random socks in my bicycle basket and I can see a plastic handle of cheap vodka sitting on my porch. oh, and my head just broke u with me.
She called my landing strip a "vagina mohawk"....
Lesbians are weird.
I am the slutty bisexual glue that holds this friendship group together.
Four times in one night? That Energizer bunny outfit lived up to the hype.
I'm trying to seductively eat these M&M's to let her know its on
My purpose is to unleash drunk self on strangers, i believe as some terrifying icebreaker, otherwise i too would offer my driving services.
The fact I have to evaluate my choice between tequila and fruity pebbles is a clear image of my life right now
conclusion from last night: i should wear boob glitter more often
Well he wouldn't kiss me so I made out with a German girl, took a shot with my boss, and I think I sprained my ankle. It was a quiet Sunday for me.
You're a FUCKING ASSHOLE. Love mom
Randomize
