he wouldn't shut up and let me sleep
yeah i got into a fight with my man last night
why can't men just shut up and put out?
we left the bar for like 10 minutes last night and moved his car so it wouldnt get towed. neither of us have a clue where it is right now.
Unless you watched your mom's very literal rendition of "I touch myself" while she was wearing a bikini, your vacation wasn't as bad as mine.
Literally 6000 elephants in my backyard.
You'll be proud of me
Who did you not have sex with
Damn it...you know me too well
I feel that my census will not be the first census submitted soaked in beer
did i mention he attempted to milk her in backseat?
On the bright side his mom approves of me. Though it's apparently because she sleeps with married men and has a soft spot for "fellow homewreckers"
how much ball-pain constitutes an emergency?
Men are not even allowed to look at you without a condom on.
This is my life. Enjoy the view
Also, you think turning 23 is bad, I just ran into the guy that gave my chlymidia
So...a chick sucked my crank...now her dog is licking my feet. I feel like a pharoh on vacation.
Sometimes I wish I could tell all my past/present hookups what the nicknames that my friends and I have assigned them.
Going on a coke binge the night before your appointment with your therapist (to talk about your sex addiction) is prob not the best idea.
Randomize
