I woke up in a stranger's bathtub with a broken shower curtain as my blanket.
My dad hugged me and said I love u. I'm glad I didn't pull out that night.
my mother and i just seriously had a convorsation about why you cant Google "Refurbished Dildos"
is it bad that the only reason i knew what antidote meant in class today, was from years of playing pokemon?
I wish I was that guy from the miller light commercials so I could walk into parties and take peoples beer without getting yelled at
You'll be happy to know that I did indeed fracture my rib in a sex related injury
So at what point do I tell her that I like fucking these hot southern girls more than I like my relationship with her?
Just bought a handle of vodka with the excuse of "just in case we drink tonight"
Should I give the penis ring toss game to good will or garbage
A guy with no shirt on and a eyepatch just got out of the car beside me. After he slammed his door into mine. This is our hometown.
I woke up in nothing but a shower cap and your sparkling coke straw snorter thing inbetween my toes. Explain.
Matt you can be anything you want to be. Including the awesome guy that brings pizza to a bunch of stoned and sorta drunk kids.
so I think we need to change lawn care services...the guy woke me up by the pool while I was naked...told me he already picked up all the beer cans for us and gave me his number for the next time we party...
I told him I hooked up with his best friend. And then he ate me out. I'm just THAT GOOD.
whenever dudes said you had nice tits you'd scream at them "This double push-up bra is full of deceit and lies!"
Randomize
