Honestly I wish you never came into my life. I know I don't want you. But I keep trying to get you back bc of the memories
I don't see you I see the memories. All the time
somehow, due in part to drug cocktail and alchl prior to meeting, i blacked out, got home, made total mess of kitchen, broke shower, and made 17 hard boiled eggs
I always see him when I'm wearing my ripped pants. I think its because of the hole in the crotch. My vag sends out supersonic "I'm horny" waves to him. Otherwise the calls are muffled.
Miserable. My projectile vomit just woke me up from a 5.5 hour nap.
You are just a treasure cave of fabulous alcoholic ideas.
the beer staff turned into a beer spear way to quickly
My coke dealer 411'd my work number just to see how I was doing and gave me his new number. He must miss my business
Have you resumed life with the rest of the world yet or are you still huddled in the fetal position while wearing compression gear?
Just heard the girl at the bar cuss her bf out and order a long island ice tea. Going to give it 5 min then I'm going in. See you on the other side.
Just copped mushrooms from a dude in a business suit. U comin or what?
I'm ready to sell my soul to the strip club tonight
I'll ask around, all of my friends have girlfriends now for the most part though so they're all dead inside
Successful first night. Lost my phone. Front desk found it. Earthquake in wine country. Didn't feel it.
I always knew I would be boring and die in an Uber.
i was in class looking for a pencil and found a chicken strip in my back pack. i think i might have a problem.. sad thing is i ate it
Randomize
