Dude, she literally stopped, mid fuck said "I want soup" got off my dick and make top ramen.
so it took us like 45 minutes to get into the party.... then when we wanted to leave we were blocked and forced to stay.
....you got kicked INTO a party??
There's nothing more awkward than going on a beer run with 3 ten year olds....teacher of the year right here!
I understand why animals eat their young in the wild after watching your kid this afternoon
she's p upset bro
Where is he. I have a sword.
So my family just woke up on Easter morning and shared a bowl. That's bonding😊
I used the phrase "love child of quasimodo and cyclops " in a sentence today.
Haha idk you were stealing pizza dough at dominos
My lash glue is stronger than my sense of self respect
I bought a machete, tennis balls, and matches. How is this NOT going to be a great night?
I was writing 'DISTRACTION' across my chest in Sharpie when my boob fell out. Right on camera.
Can I just swipe right on his dad?
Not even a manhunt keeps my brother and his friends from the bars
He had been licking my nipple for like 5 minutes and it wouldn't get hard. He asked me to lick my own and when I did, instant hardness. I realized I'd rather have sex with myself then this guy ..
Is 6 weeks really a benchmark now?
Ask me in 6 more weeks, when they're in a bisexual polycule.
Randomize
