I wish your couch was made out of beer. I would drink like half of it.
He kept asking me to take off my bra and I sat up so he could. He fumbled with it for a few minutes and when I sighed and went to undo it he goes, "Yeah, you got this."
Who's your beautiful friend? Please include the words "Straight", "Single", and "Legal" in your response.
For the whole 7 seconds I lasted, I was in heaven.
oh btw spread eagle is not an appropriate phrase to use in a scientific presentation. learned that the hard way
and then he tried plucking my nose hairs. lines were crossed.
So are you still down for me to come stay with you and just have sex on vicodin all weekend?
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She got turned on by my fanny pack full of condoms. I can't believe you said it was a bad idea to wear it to the party.
I'm sitting in front of a fan naked drinking Gatorade. Motherfucking hangover probs
Oh and I'm kind of in the library.
Waiting for the foreign guy who keeps staring to make his creepy move.
I mean, with your nipple problem im surprised. #hangacoatonem
Did I let your boyfriend smear a banana into my face last night? Because I have pictures that are telling me I did....
Overall a good night - broke my toe giving that cop a blowjob though...so there's that...
I yelled out "blow jobs!" in my macroeconomics class. Ask me more about how my life is spiraling out of control.
We were too tired to finish having sex so we just stopped to eat the cheesecake and passed out. I didn't mind
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