Let's perk you up. I have a good PG joke and a picture of my penis while urinating. You pick.
my hippie aunt just sent me some brownies with a note saying not to eat them under any circumstances until finals are over. excited.
Climbing through a window thats four feet off the ground isnt the easiest thing when youre high, trust me.
It's like the god of all feather dusters, but for your vagina
It really is the softest mustache
I wish you could be here to assess my herpes before he gets here.
this speak and spell drinking game will be the death of us all.
Getting drunk before noon on a Tuesday. When did this become my life? Did you know that a six-pack of Smirnoff is 2 liters?
It feels like there's puke trying to explode out of me from behind my eyeballs.
true... I just kept thinking "THAT IS A PENIS. OMG THAT IS A PENIS. DOES HE KNOW IM STARRING? STOP LOOKING. OMG THIS IS AWKWARD. PENISSSSS"
shes making a cheerios necklace using dental floss 'just in case' she gets the munchies later
I'm having salsa con queso and a leftover half-drank/flat red bull for breakfast. Nothing you propose doing today would be a downgrade.
New drinking game, drink every time Rhianna says "Work" in her new song.
Glitter fights sound a lot funner in theory.
These tits shall not be calmed
I wear drunk well.
Randomize
