You mean 'full wolf form' wasn't a drunk text?
i found the one person in the world who takes longer to cum than i do... mutual dissatisfaction is probably not the best foundation for a relationship.
Eventually the creepy theater major quirks will come out. Probably in bed. Like role playing as the Phantom of the Opera
having my hair in braids makes puking so easy. i am being an indian every halloween
That's your penis' name. I've always referred to it as Alejandro secretly.
I honestly can't remember your justification for putting peanut butter on your cell phone.
Sunrise bitch. You owe me waffles
Smoked a blunt with a girl i met at the bus stop today. What you did today is irrelevant
You can't mix blow jobs, bacon, and Star Wars.
A) just did. And b-z) that sounds like a great Sunday morning.
Just puked in my hallway. Good start to a great night
I swear the toilet was so cold I tried to stand up but my balls wer frozen to it. most awkward five minutes between me and my mom.
Well I accidentally flashed a 76 year old woman, i'm in a house full of republicans and Im almost drunk enough to give the gay rights speech so i'd say this wedding reception is going great
He's like a father figure to me, except we have casual drunk sex every now and then
When the vodka monkeys are playing a drum solo in my skull tomorrow, remind me I tried to sterilize my body from the inside with titos
Between his smile and monumental dick even the virgin mary woulda blown that man and I am far from the virgin. I didn't stand a chance.
Randomize
