I cockslap morals
she was mega hot - except for the poop under her fingernails
My boss just called me into his office to apologize for being an "inadvertant cockblock"
clearly I should have checked to see if he was an NRA member before I went back to his house and woke up in Heston's haven.
I told him I'd rather have sex with his father last night. I'll admit now that I was drunk.
We need to stop sleeping with people based on which NFL team they like.
Apparently I was pointing at birds and yelling "YOU USED TO BE A DINOSAUR!!!"
There is a literally infinite number of spliffs going around this table.
Delicious
I feel like I'm at a sushi bar with a spliff belt.
He won't sleep with me again until I commit...
Run. There is other dick in the sea, less clingy dick.
CAN I EVER JUST MAKE OUT EITH SOMEONE AND NOT GET FRIEND REQUESTED BY THEM THE NEXT DAY.
I had the most traumatic dream I've ever had just now. I ripped my dick off because a girl asked me to and spent the rest of the dream crying about my dick
Your life is quite full of dick lately.
It really is!
Smoking a bowl and ordering Dominos, you want in on either, both, or none?
If he gets me coffee, cold or no I'll make him see Jesus with my mouth.
he woke up this morning, drunk as fuck, butt ass naked, and he had left grandmas gun on the counter and doesn't know why.
Randomize
