I just creeped all your pictures on Facebook -- it was like I watched you grow up right before my eyes.
I just saw a guy in front of the courthouse giving himself a sobriety test and fail it...this can't end well
you're the best thing to happen to me. closely followed by learning to ejaculate, and drugs.
I don't think you have the libido for two women at the same time
I think you underestimate the amount of time spent masturbating
the theme of the baby shower is Nightmare On Prego Street
And then you guys went on to show us ur sex positions from the before. Thanks
Have invented new cocktail. Any flavor of crystal light and vodka. I call it "I am going to die alone"
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call
They left me passes out in the food donation bin with an empty handle and a half eaten box of nutter butters
If your nipples ruin my wedding photos I will kill you.
Do you have any puffy paint? I want to put "fiesta muthafuckas" on my sombrero but its too much to bedazzle.
Awake! can you bring me my pants...im under the couch
Also, we can't be seen together looking suspicious or sexually satisfied
I yelled at your uterus for you.
Well hell, he's gotta sleep in the bed he's made. Multiple times. For multiple girls I'm sure.
Randomize
