woke up in a shopping cart using a keystone box as a blanket. how was your night?
Is it bad to use cherry nyquil as substitute for grenadine? Because i just went there.
Nah, totally cool. It already has the alcohol in it.
Note: footlong is not the password to the subway wi fi network.. p.s- im super high
she kicked me out for pissing in the recycling bin. I mean, is it really THAT big of a deal?
In a world where you don't want your phone to pocket dial your parents at 2 in the morning while you're running around Florida shitfaced, Droid does.
I got shot at today. If that doesn't get me at least a blow job I give up working on the south side
Its... i dont even know. theres lots of rap music and i cant find my shoes
I think her version of saying goodnight was being flung over a guys shoulder as he said, "Bitch. You don't need no shoes."
I'm in charge of his party but you're a paramedic, we're both needed.
I woke up to find his roommate face down on the couch with no pants on, with a sticky note that said "was lost but now am found"
I just high fived you brother at the bar then immediately realized my hands smell like your vagina
You cant come. You're a Colorado native who drinks Bud over Coors. Fucking homegrown terrorist.
Is girls night deemed a success when you piss the bed?
I shouldn't be allowed to be in america for NYE... or any major holiday for that matter
According to the office gossip the new secretary is “a homewrecking whore”. Think I should spend $27 on a fake wedding ring?
Yes! Want that picture of you and my nephew?
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