I don't know what you were told but i for sure didn't sleep with any one but steve's couch.
Todays outfit involves shorts with embroidered fish. This kids gonna die.
Just realized our kids will one day call us old because we were around when texting came about. I'm sad.
how did i get to the car and why are my shoes broken
Saw a guy pass out and hit his head on a urinal. Laughing too hard to help him up
Took me 12 hours to be sober again. Shitshow mission accomplished
you can't tell me you didn't shit your pants I saw them in the trash can by the bathroom.
Im so excited to get permanently banned for life from all the old bars again, it is gonna be christmas after all
When we were eating pie last night, I dropped some, and not only did you not judge me for far surpassing the 5 second rule, you let me use your foot to sock mop with. You're a good friend.
We now only communicate via Xbox messages. Living together is so easy
As I read your response saying I need a tan before I can become a go-go dancer, a girl cane up to work and gave me 10 coupons for 100 days of tanning for a dollar.
This is fate. You were destined to be a stripper.
You very well can't change your mind now. It would upset the natural flow of life.
I'm still a bit day drunk and decided to go for a run. You may get a snapchat of me vomiting soon
We're currently sharing pics of our cats. I can't wait to sit on her face.
I'm 22 and I'm drinking hawaiian punch from a sippy cup. Everything is right in the world.
I'm alone, 3 beers in, and cutting tshirts into belly tops.
Randomize
