i think i have two assholes
I think he was having a seizure but nobody knew because 'what is love' was playing
you were trying to give my penis an indian burn.
you have to give me like a days notice for these kinds of things, you cant just call at 9 am and expect me to be sober
I just found out I was conceived in a rehab facility... that's better than finding out your dad could be someone else right?
apparently drunk me likes to play hide the puke.. was not a fun time washing all my legos.
i knew it was time to leave the bar when i caught myself doing karate dance moves with a married man.
He was in Alberta for less than a week and is already banned from 6 bars. I fear for his general well-being over there.
I am more familiar with your toilet than I ever want to be with any appliance
Every bar we ever go to has a woman there who hates him. Getting so much vagina has never seemed so not glorious
sorry for laughing and taking pictures while you were having an asthma attack on st. patricks day
So yeah, don't be alarmed when you come home after work to find me eating cookie dough out of a margarita glass with a knife and watching The Little Mermaid. It's been one of those days.
Soggy bong water carpet is the worst kind of carpet.
You seem to be avoiding the poop question. How did you poop on your hand?
you said "it's karaoke night" and tried to use my dick as a microphone
Randomize
