What kind of poor, pathetic town do we live in where a horny teenage girl is sitting in her basement on a saturday night, unlaid?
We got so high we made milksteak
Stole a wheelchair from the hospital and rolled down the street smoking and drinking this is my weekend
Just had to masturbate in the bathroom because mom changed my room into a "knitting" room. I hate coming home.
That's like being smoked out by a unicorn. If the opportunity presents itself you fucking do it and don't ask questions.
I'm pretty sure my liver died in Reno and my intestines are doing hula hoops around my asshole. The bachelor party was that good.
I need a thor helmet and I need to find my heavy duty drinking mug
they adjusted my tv to black and white ... i thought i drank myself to colorblindness
I'm taking a shower and i'm gonna bring my pocketknife with me
There’s a special place in hell for tall guys with small dicks
He's really cute...He stopped talking to me because i pulled my skirt up and peed in a demi plie position...
No dude 10 parakeets in your bedroom is 9 parakeets too many. Bring them back. Today!
just learned i can hear my fish chewing his food WHILE HES IN HIS BOWL. im going to have to call you back.
after we fucked i left the room and when i came back he was patting his dick whispering "prouda you lil guy...prouda you"
outside on the street drinkin, walked into a random house and asked to pee, some kid hands me a beer and says i have to chug it first
Randomize
