I just saw a woman point to her daughter and scream at her husband THIS IS YOUR GENES, THIS IS YOU.
Best news of the day: the hot chick at the funeral was NOT related to me... Thank god
just spent all of my last class as a college student, vomiting in the bathroom. its moments like these i will cherish
He was in me and said I can't believe this happened because of facebook. MOOD KILLER.
Being a slut is okay if you're being a polite slut, right?
He just kept pointing to each of us saying "arrested, arrested, arrested"
Is there a word in the English dictionary for impressed, yet disgusted?
I think the word you're looking for is flabbergasted.
I CAN FEEL MY HEART BEATING MY WHOLE BODY
I was giving him a handjob in the woods and a family walked by
I just want somewhere where I can sit down, without changing my clothes, that will serve me breakfast food and booze. Is that too much to ask?
I touched the butt once. 'Twas an experience with the greatness of legend. So I touched it once more.
I asked him to change the channel. There was no way I could do reverse cowgirl with golf on.
I thought you died. Don't forget it's burger night.
CAPS.LOCK.AND.SPACEBAR.ARE.BROKEN.
Did I turn a man straight...??
Yes!
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